dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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