I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
