I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
