Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
