yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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