I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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