I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
