this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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