Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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