walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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