yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
