i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
