Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
