He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
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