Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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