you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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