she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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