i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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