She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
