I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
