He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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