she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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