You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
