I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
