If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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