this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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