Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
