He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
