theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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