I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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