i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
