she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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