I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
