She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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