It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
