Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
