i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
