You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
