you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you traded sex for a burrito?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
