OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
