yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
