Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
