Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
