Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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