Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
