He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
