I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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