This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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