I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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