I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
