I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
