the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
