shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
