someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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