But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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