So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize