therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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