she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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