1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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