Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
