This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
