Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
