I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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