Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize