gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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