Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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