I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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