I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
