Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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